Love and RealiTea Advice: A Father Ready To Be A Husband

Hi guys I’m having some relationship trouble,

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 3 years. She’s kind, beautiful and very intelligent. She is 25 and I’m 28. A year ago she gave birth to our beautiful son and for me it has been amazing. The issue I’m having is she doesn’t really interact with him. We both have full time jobs but I do most of the parenting. I get him ready in the mornings, take him to and from daycare, and make sure he’s taken care of in general. She is very involved in our relationship, but she just hasn’t seemed to bond with our son. She doesn’t overtly ignore him, but she doesn’t act like most moms either.

She didn’t really have a family because she was in foster care most of her life. She was adopted as a teen, but I definitely think she has abandonment issues. When I ask about her feelings towards our son, she comes up with excuses about being tired or busy. I know she loves him and I want to move forward with our relationship and make her my wife, but I can’t do that until I see that relationship grow between her and our son. What should I do?????

A father wanting to be a husband

Hello,

I can completely understand where you are coming from. When our families are growing we have a picture in our head of the family dynamics and its disappointing when that doesn’t happen. It sounds as if she does has issues when it comes to family interactions because of her childhood. Also some mothers make have postpartum depression that can prevent them from bonding with their babies, that may go undiagnosed. My advice would be to seek family/ premarital counseling for the benefit of everyone. For some it just takes time. Mental health should not go overlooked, but she has to recognize and want help as well.

I commend you on the love that you have for your family! I hope this helps.

With love,
B

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