Long distance relationship worries.
I met an much older guy last year went I visited New York on a summer vacation . He is much older than me and we live oceans apart. His a New Yorker and I’m a Londoner (UK) I’m 27 and he’s 38 the age gap is not an issue. We initially met through social media I added him first and he followed back always sure to like my pictures and comment. It was only when I got to NY I thought YOLO & messaged him & begin a convo. Anyway when I got to New York I hit his DM and just made small talk about what to do in the big city. Long story short we met up twice , great convo lots of chemistry but absolutely no sex. This is not an issue considering I’m waiting till marriage & was never the type to casually sleep around. Besides its nice talking to the opposite sex without it being focused on sex. He has been celibate for religious and personal reasons for several years . Since the holiday we have been communicating constantly / via text messaging and phone call despite the 5 hour time difference . I do genuinely believe there is a solid foundation of friendship, learning from each other and opening up about personal things (life).
We have been talking and getting to know each other for a while now. And it’s coming up to our one year anniversary since we met. However we have never openly discussed an relationship with each other. However I know as a religious man he wants to get married and eventually settle. I don’t think his talking to other women and I do believe I may be exclusive . However you just never know ( especially with someone in a different country from you. Anywho I really like /appreciate him (in my feelings) and believe he may feel the same because, he always makes an effort to catch up with me and even sends gifts without prompting.
However I am getting to the point where I feel like we need to have an open conversation about what he may want from
me if anything. I feel like I may be wasting my time if I want something serious from him & he doesn’t want the same. However I am really scared and don’t know how to approach the situation – in fear of rejection/ coming across desperate . Also aint nothing worse than a brother feeling pressured. I feel a man almost 40 who claims he wants to settle down (as in marriage ) wouldn’t be wasting his time and energy talking to someone pretty much everyday if he didn’t see potential.
However as our one year anniversary is fast approaching I just honestly want to know what he wants from me if anything. I don’t want to openly ask him if he would marry me but I need to know if I am wasting my time or not . I also don’t want to give him a ultimatum and risk loosing a great man. His asked me previously if I would migrate stateside & I said yes but that convo hasn’t been revisited.
Am I being silly, emotional and delusional or is there some potential here? Also how do I approach the situation with regards to finding out what he wants? Also I should book a flight to visit him again or leave it once I know what’s going on?
Any advice would be highly appreciated considering I’m at a point of anxiety and worry. I’m also getting annoyed with myself for not speaking up. I really need some clarity so I can figure out if everything has been worth while or not.
Thanks for reading this & I hope you can get back to me with some truth & advice .
A deeply committed Sister.
Relationships can leave you on pins and needles when u don’t know what the status of the relationship is. Friendship? More than friend? Relationship? You have to be willing to start the conversation in order to get your answer.
Long distance is hard within the same country but can be even more nerve wrecking when it’s a different country. Think about what specifically you’re looking for from this relationship. You sound like you’re wanting the real deal. Is one of you willing to relocate? What country would you live in? You mentioned an age difference does it matter? Just take into account all the different issues you’ll have to work through to make the relationship work and then talk about it. You are not being silly or emotional, there is nothing wrong with wanting to pursue love, just take that first step.