Love and RealiTea Advice: Long Distance Should I Wait or Move On?

Hi, I have a bit of an issue.

So, I have been talking to this guy for a year now, but we didn’t really speak of relationship things until like 3 or 4 months of just being friends. Surprisingly, we are not in a relationship, but we act like it. He lives about 12 hours from me, so it’s long distance. He’s a sweet guy, great heart, knows much about the Higher Power,and has a very open and conscious mind; this means we have DEEP conversations. Anyway, there is an age gap: 10 years in between! He has kids and of course the baby mother. I honestly don’t mind these things at all. My problem is sometimes I feel abandoned from his life because he has things to tend to. We used to talk and text all throughout the day, but recently something happened with his child and now we go days without talking. I proceed throughout the day thinking about him and being sad because we can’t really talk at all. I get angry and upset about the loneliness. We’ve actually argued that he sometimes doesn’t use his free time to at least tell me he’s okay; that’s all I ask, no long conversation just let me know he’s okay! He tells me that some days he goes home and plays the game all day to keep his mind off of it. We’ve had a heart to heart and he’s apologize for not being attentive because now everything has calmed down. The conversation was perfect but seemed like a repeat from the past. After that, he went back to ignoring me the next day on the game! I don’t even try to reach out because he doesn’t answer me anymore. If you could hear how he expresses his love for me then you would fight for this love too! His actions aren’t matching his words. My question is should I continue to wait and potentially pursue this relationship or just move on to the next one? By the way, am I selfish for wanting at least some of the time I’m used to even though he has a lot going on? I mean it’s only texts at this point because it’s long distance! I’ve actually sat back and waited until everything died down to even confront him about the abandonment I feel…

Help a sista out!❤❤

Hey Sista,

When it comes to any relationship communication is key, but when it comes to long distance relationships communication is all you have. It is not selfish of you to request that he update you with what is going on in his life. With long distance relationships the only difference with there being a label or not, is going to be the loyalty that you have to one another and the dedication to make it work. It sounds as if he is distracted because of what is going on with his child. Of course his family is going to be his number 1 priority, asking for brief updates to keep in touch isn’t asking for much.

When it comes to this particular relationship there are a few questions you need to ask yourself:

1) Does the age difference matter? He may be distancing himself emotionally because he doesn’t feel as if you would be mature enough to handle the situations he is going through.

2) long term, how would this relationship work? Long distance relationships can work, however at some point someone has to relocate, is that something you guys have discussed?

3) Your relationship isn’t exactly official, so what would it take for it to become so? All great relationships are based in friendship. It sounds as if you already have that aspect, so what specifically is stalling the relationship?

If you aren’t able to answer these questions logically, then yes I would tell you to move on. Be sensitive to whatever his child is going through, be a comforting ear for him to talk to, and approach conversations with a calming attitude. Arguing is the last thing he needs in a stressful situation.

With love,

B

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